Suicide loss carries everything ordinary grief carries plus a specific weight: unanswerable why, guilt over missed signs, anger, and stigma that keeps people quiet.
Hindsight makes signs look obvious that were not obvious in real time. You were living forwards, without the ending.
Their final act was the product of an illness and a moment of unbearable pain — not a message about your worth to them.
Suicide-loss survivor groups help more than almost anything else here, because everyone in the room already knows what you can't explain.